Deep questions...

What to write about, what to write...

A question that's deep in my mind.

I've had 3 knee surgeries to the same knee. It's not pleasant, and I've taken myself off the vicodin after being addicted to them for several years. I hardly get a decent nights sleep as any pressure on the knee either way wakes me to adjust and what not. I don't want to mentioned all the affect it has had on my life but there's plenty. The cold weather really affect me poorly. So why the hell am I still in Alaska?

I have a 3 year old daughter that I love deeply and do anything I can for. This of course means staying in Alaska to be near her so I can see her and be in her life. She brings a smile to my face whenever I see her. As you can guess, she doesn't live with me. Her mother is great to her and her brother. So there's no reason what so ever to ever think of taking her away from a great home and family she has.

So what it boils down to is this, I'm killing myself living in this arctic hell hole to be with my daughter. When is it OK to head for warmer ground without the feeling of abandoning her? Will it ever? I hate lifes questions some times...